Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
