I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
