Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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