Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My balls are so social today.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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