i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
