so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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