note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
