Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
