how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
