Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
