why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize