Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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