see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
