I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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