Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
