My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
