It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize