i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
