Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
