I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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