pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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