dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
