Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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