Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
