I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
