where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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