Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
