i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
