you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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