I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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