Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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