i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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