I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
