u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
