So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
