By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
