Tell her she can't have a vagina
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
