Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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