I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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