My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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