Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
