3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
