I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
