Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
