Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
