it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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