the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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