Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
