that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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