i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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