The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
