he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
