Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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