I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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