Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
