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sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't notice because vodka
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Randomize
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