His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.