so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
