According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
