i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
