hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.