I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
