I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The uberlube is also flammable
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!