at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
