Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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