Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
