Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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