you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
