I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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