i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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