don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
