if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
