the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
