i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
