Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize