I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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