I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Holy shit dude........stairs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
