even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have tasted many bathrooms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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