Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
