I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
